Eden

"Hi, I'm Eden. I am Avril Lavigne years old.

I'm the spirit of adolescence and I hold your heart intact.

I am a free spirit, as long as it's before bedtime.

While you sleep, I sincerely protect the minutes of your dial-up connection."

"I'm thirst. I reside in your heart.

While you possessed no real love, I ensure your heart is never empty.

And I fill it with heartbreak."

"I'm surprise. I like to knock on the door of love and run away.

When the door opens, I greet you on the other side.

While Eden is there, I'm a mirror."

"I'm Midas, the spirit of the youth.

Grim, I light up the night with anguish and turmoil.

A hundred deaths injected in your veins, I ensure vitality for every Bryan Adams song in the future and reminisce of Eden.

I gilded your heart with love."

"I'm true love. I visited you twice.

I was driven away, but I'm a spirit, I'm always there with you. And I'll reappear"

Dear spirits who know of true love

"She/he was a bad person" and

"She/he had a good heart".

While 'she' are no good for me,

'she' are a golden scar

While it is mutual, not always 'true'.

While it is 'true', not always vice versa.

Between 'knowing' and an Uber car

I don't know which is closer to the destination

when the destination is stars.

"I'm maturity. I make falling for love skeptical.

But through me, a one night stand may seem logical."

Everything negative comes from growing up.

Die, as soon as you see Eden.

Portal of a memory

An iceberg rolls down a face and ends up warm,
calmly touches the ground,
and opens up a portal of a memory.

A snowflake falls
the globe spins,
exposing the back of a man
a corroded fragment

A marriage of hope and sorrow
that would wean the strongest of strong
from their power
the strongest of strong

And so I wonder, in this memory
what could it be?
That is so general yet specific?
How could it trigger the lives of so many?

It has the sweetest melody,
and the lyric goes like a formula.
It starts off with love
and gets left off with thought,
just thought.

A lover departs when a new heart arrives.
A fire dies when a tear arises.
A drawing is born of the fragrance and form of the way he would laugh like a child
and she would care like a mom
the way they would together, laugh.

The sweetest melody
of laughing eyes
squinted at the sides,
this feeling is magical
this feeling is sad
this feeling is a memory
of the best times we had.

And so the iceberg lands
in the form of a tear
the corroded fragment,
wet with fear -
the loss of God,
the loss of faith
the loss of love
wandering, wandering through sleepless nights.
Landing on the pillow of the feeling of love against the concrete ground.
until it scrapes off every inch of sound remaining in your ears.
Cleansing you, preparing you, to be part of the song.

The song of sorrow, the song of hope
the sweetest melody of joy afloat
The song of treason, the song of alcohol
of weary nights in the corner of a room.

A feather in his hand, a flower in your hair
a stolen kiss, in the backdrop of a rumbling dishwasher
The anxious nights, which glued two days
with no sleep in the middle, a buzzing text by the pillow

The valentines days, like the stripes on the road
driving through the years, with only one or two to count
and then you lived all the stripes at once
and get left with the blanks, to feel out the days
left in thought, in a few grand memory lanes.
speeding and slowing,
Sometimes whining, at times laughing,
in the whole circle of life,
with imperfect timing.

In your atmosphere

The feeling of a song on loop
Is like feeling that your life rewinds
Every 3 verses, I go back a mile..
A mile back towards your aroma stuck in time. Back one mile, back towards India.. back one mile

The feeling of your ghost all smiles
How it would have been, could have been
I have red onions on my frying pan..
Imagining what it would have been like to cook 

for you and hear you joke "Delicious, think I'll survive "

But every tick backwards, my beard strands turn whiter
Every day towards you, your life slips farther
Towards permanent commitments
To loves forevers
Back home, the memories I so vividly see are frozen
Just the paint on the walls is faded, it's greyscale.

And 3 verses behind, back a mile, deep dive..
Into a dream, my head on your ghost's thighs
My bed burns up before it lands into yours
Wherever I go, whatever I do
I land into your atmosphere on fire
Never touching you, whispering nevermind.
Whatever you know, wherever your man
I am not quite content knowing he'll love you forever.
The sunset you bask in will forever be sad, being the inverted semicircle it is.
I know you tried to reach out,

I was deaf and blind,

until the day you left..

Until the day you left

I still had and have more left in me

But one day, you let go

and the string slips out of your reach so fast.

You can never compete with time,

but only time can compete with love.
and that sums up my only hope.
Good night.

Hudson Hornet

Roaring pistons, lightning veins
defying dependencies, drinking spree
exalted, immaculate, forcing, forging
Hercules,

defying, complying
undermining everything
because the crown is not built to catch up with that head
Hope exploding, force raging, bolts bursting through those irides
No heart in this world can beat this horse
One day I will emerge out of the foggy blue morning
and zoom past you like a Hornet
And you will be the one left chasing
and you will be left chasing.

The escape

The blades of the fan cutting through the blood of the night
The ocean of air, left far behind
Memories leaking, intruders sneaking
Ants feeding, on the leftover words that you were speaking

Such a karaoke delight
Avril Lavigne on a translucent vodka night
A winning song, under a bleak spite
Fifty thousand lines of code, distant emotion in sight

I will fall, I will jump, I will crawl
I will wait, I will faint, I will escape

Over the midnight lime, Sunny cricket smile
A fake salary, an untamed irony
Punctured chin and crooked teeth
Weeping wounds that never heal
Underrated, like a new achilles heel
Such feels..

Introducing the Kiiara feels
You are faded when I'm sober, sober when I'm faded
Over-scrutinized by all your counterparts and then hell there's no debating
You don't even know what's real but you like to read the fate-linings

I will fall, I will jump, I will crawl
I will wait, I will faint, I will escape

It dawned upon me on a new beginning
that calloused fingers never feed on winning
they bring new beginnings like a platinum lining
they glow in the dark and although I'll sink when I swim
I'll soar when it's thin,
and if you think pain will bring me down
It probably will

But I will fall, I will jump, I will crawl
I will wait, I will faint, I will escape

And in the violet morning
a blatant fire rising
my only hope thinning and a skater boy spinning
I will try to undertake the situation like it's a new beginning
But my fire doesn't fade it crystallizes
and if you thought you can milk me like a mooing Peter Griffin you're wrong cuz I metamorphose
Oh you have so little faith, don't doubt it don't doubt it
victory is in my veins, I know it I know it
and I will not re-negotiate
I will fall, I will survive, I will jump and I will rise

I will fall, I will jump, I will crawl
I will wait, I will faint, I will escape

I will fall, I will jump, I will crawl

I will wait, I will faint, I will escape.

My Arrival

Flying away, forever I will stay
In your heart, I'll leave an aroma of joy
When I leave at night, I will arrive on the other side
Wise and admired, excited but tired

Let us make a promise
Let us meet on the other shore
For we'll miss each other
when one of us goes

Sweeter than God
Happier than my joy
An anxious lark
may fly me half a world away
As every approaching minute your heart sways
In excitement, you burn brighter than day
And when I arrive, you can finally say
Come on, let's take you home.
Thank you lord,
you touched him, and from within
he turned to gold.
No matter how much he grows, he hasn't turned old.
No he hasn't turned old
For me, he'll never grow old.

-Dedicated to my parents, on this brand new occasion we are so excited about. 

Passion

What's the point if you're both rich and handsome
what did god leave for you to prove
indeed he must be in a good mood
that he left you a good sense of fashion
But it is not an occasion
on which you show your mighty prowess, and girls and wine and good food
it is on the leaves of grass, on which you learn the skills true
to an occasion when you couldn't vie more
on a ship that has left for another shore
for that drop of ambrosia, which one calls passion.

I still wonder

At times, we think what is the meaning of life? What is our true purpose in this world?

It would probably be whimsical to visualize myself in the shoes of 50Cent rapping his way through the story in which he survived bullet shots to his body.

We react often, respond seldom. We are overcome by lust. We are beaten by procrastination, murdered by expectations.
At the end of it all, we are left with still some hope like some crepuscular rays gently and elegantly holding a spotlight in your favorite neuron of your favorite lane of your most liked city of your brain-world.

Stop.
Don't react.. Respond.
The last midnight train has left and you have been paralyzed, mentally handicapped, skewed with only the basic faculties left. If you think you can swing this shot and hit a home-run, you might make it. Persist.

But what happens to those who are left scarred with a scalding in their lungs, and the numbness of being normal. You fight outside, you fight your thoughts inside, but no matter what you do, the days when you were in your prime won't come back. You try and stare at the dots on the shore, thinking that calm will make everything better. But it won't. Have you ever been left with this thought?

The farthest crying corner of music then somehow holds you in place. You are half kneeling, not quite sorry, but very sorry for your fate, not crying but flooded inside with tears that won't even come. The happiness is ephemeral. Have you realized how music makes you temporarily happy but permanently sad. It removes your unhappiness but it never leaves you conscious of its effect on you, and if you happen to be sad the way my words are now, it just makes the pain worse. You just can't make a valid working philosophy just by listening to music. Songs are themselves short philosophies. Oh how deep music is, and how it relieves me. But how incomplete I am both with and without it.

I badly wanna go back in time.. save myself from dying.
I wish I could retrieve the old me to this future I am living today.
It was all over by 23.
I'm not the same old me.

But then reading this post as I am writing it, I realize that I'm not so bad.
Just that it requires some more effort than usual to activate my sensibilities.
I might unconsciously be living the life of a winner. Because this country is so encompassing, so free, and accommodating, it is automatically setting the right paths for me.
I know exactly what I want. And I am going for it.
But I feel incomplete. I don't have a partner. Maybe all the negative things I wrote translate to this simple fact.

I don't know if it is better to be charming and carefree or conforming and heedful.
All I know is, I would never have had the happiest experiences of love and life if I hadn't been the former one.
And now, I cannot but be the latter because preserving my dignity and introverted, rediscovered passion is of prime importance to me.
I still wonder though.
I still wonder. What it would be like..
to be with a girl.

Merry Christmas

Under the eyelashes of sunlight
we bask with closed eyes
This world is magical
Each planned moment glitters in the moonlight

the muscle pounds the horseshoe on the ground
the feather soars, without a sound
Just so, hearts race through moments

Compassion fathoms across oceans

Within the shutter speed of the human device
Warmth of the heart spreads like ink on ice
Oh the glory of the maker
Who sent us christmas through Christ.

Dreams and stars

The sky dives deeper and the sun sets faster
The ocean remembers each wave
The wave of reminiscence, the wavy mystery
The waves of joy I get while seeing your face

The mascara on your eyes smudges the lines of my heart
I feel warm and a tingling feeling runs down my spine
Every time the lines of your dimples appear
It congratulates me cuz I made you smile

Your front two teeth and the way they gleam
I see my irides dilate like in the dark
And the way you talk in a lazy voice
Only strengthens the pitch of my heart

Your skin it glazes and my soul it blazes
when I think of the wonderful nights
When we talked and talked and it was never enough
Wondrous like Aurora Borealis lights

Through the trees and the peepal leaves
A song runs through my heart
That you are meant to be with me
here so you can dream with me
and see them turn to reality
Just lit up like the stars.

Scarlett

Ice cream

Couch

In the midst of a letter

The crisp motion of ink instills 

A chlorinated dream.

 In the midst of a letter,

Love cringed.

A teardrop saved for tommorrow

a meter set for the 

violet dream

another glance at the invisible sky

In the salty weather

Another gulp down the pipe..

Another drop of evaporated ocean

Heart of steel

in the midst of a letter

with true love to conceal.

Window of my eyes

So suddenly things have shown themselves to me
things have left me midway
as my blue sky paved its way through the gray

I'm a traveler catching a view
the curtains inside are broken
the wind line gets through
and sometimes the blue

but I can't block the view
through the window of my eyes

I can't block the blue sun
through the window of my eyes

and the girl in green who was waiting
will now go away farther and farther
No one knew
When the reverse gear was pulled

I'm a traveler catching a view
the curtains inside are broken
sometimes the rain comes through
and sometimes the blue

I can't stop in the rain, it breaks out again
through the window of my eyes

I can't see through the mountain of you
I stared and I gazed,
through the window of my eyes.

I built and I razed a road of roses
And the lonely view was a delight
through the window of my eyes.

So I'm seeing the view
Its covered in blue
through the window of my eyes.

The fear of loss.

Right now , right here, this moment, this room

Music drips on my passive ears 

like water drops in an empty bucket after the rain has ended.

I feel no pain, just a void 

I have a fear of loss, that I am bound to.

A moment taken away, snatched from my fist

I fear will leave me bleeding in tears

Mother's love will be no more

Memories will rain on and on, since then.

Deeply moved, awakened by fear

In the morning, love may not be near.

Forever gone, leaving behind

This coma divine

If I don't live forever, I want you near

If you don't live forever, I want you, to be able to hear

Cuz I will have a lot to say

And show, how I was not affected.

I am not afraid, of losing you

I will be strong, when your time is through

I will move on , a perennial river

That takes with it, all the things dropped in it. 

Deeply moved, awakened by fear

In the morning, love may not be near.

Forever gone, leaving behind

This coma divine

What if I disappear?

I walk through the hours just as they walk through me

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I disappeared

Will there be a warm air in the places where I stood?

I would like to know, what would happen.

People don't know people sometimes

but their smiles communicate

Its all so inconsistent for me

Think I could be subject of a great fraud, at times.

Will there be a marriage with my name written in bold letters on the cards?

Will I too get trapped in this circle of life

How long does it take to twist this key through the hole?

The door wouldn't budge, but what if I was never there to answer it?

I would like to know

If I wasn't there, how would things go?

Will I be remembered.

Will there be a warm air, in the places where I stood?



Without me, the winds they died

Without me, the sun didn't rise

Without me, the oceans they dried

Nothing to see, and nothing to breathe

Without me, I would like to know

Can there be another show?

The one that makes them laugh , and make them moan

Will there be a prayer for those whom I love?

Will the memories hold or will they go?

What would happen

I would like to know.

what would happen

 I would like to know.

cuz I can feel the warmth in the air around me.

What would happen

I would like to see.

If like a free bird someday

I disappeared

World needs a chill pill

Waiting long hours on a lover who loves others

I've waited for too long. Its dark and I need to get home. Right now.

Just because everyone does it ,it's not fine

Just because it looks bright, its not right.

They need a chill pill. Just the right size.

Laying under shady trees alone ,stirring up the calmed storms

with the smell of crushed grass in the background

We've taken enough choices

This world needs to take a chill pill. Right now.

My dreams crushed fine like glass and gone with the last train to the last station that it could find

Think I'm doing fine, walking bare-feet on these earthy roads

But like winter bleeding, I can hear their dreams echoing on and on and I feel

This world needs to take a chill pill. Right now.

Please be still , dont make noise

The insides reverb a lot

Please be calm, we're all dying

But we won't be there for everyone's time, anyways.

Just because everyone does it ,it's not fine

Just because it looks bright, its not right.

They need a chill pill. Just the right size. Right now!

Spasmodic destruction

There's something wrong but I have to go on

Is there a new way to get the old times back?

I have a lot to say that no one loves to hear

The one's who are close are lost and far away

 

Need a friend I can blame them in front of

Know its gonna wreck me more 

But if it fits no logic

Maybe its worth it

There's a lot to say that I hold back

Not sure if it should be said

There's a lot I would like to ask and know

Not really sure if it should be known

I'm being pulled toward this feeling that's gonna do me much harm

I have no ropes to hold , no choice but to flow on.

I have felt this anxiety before

The time might have passed and the train could have moved on,

And I keep on wishing.

Could there be someone really waiting, on the platforms of the past.

 

John Coltrane drawing